Sunday, May 11, 2008

What do I Want/Need

I am not sure if these thoughts were spurred by the sermon at church last night or just the constant re-evaluating that is going on in our lives right now. And getting up at 5:30am to go to the bathroom not being able to fall back asleep with all these thought spinning around in my head has not been helpful.

We have lived 9 months without 95% of our possessions and "renting" someone elses. There have been some things we have brought back with us when we have made trips to our mortgage payment, but some stuff we just couldn't. Now, we do miss our bed and comfy couch, but it doesn't necessarily need to be those particular items, just something that isn't 20 years old and needs to be comfortable.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are lots of things that I miss and which I had to use or enjoy and I don't feel the need to give away all my worldly possessions.

We've been talking about the need to rent a house for a while rather than buy so that we can allow the market to stabalize. Even though it is a buyer's housing market, is it really if you are worried about the job market.

I feel like I am rambling all over the place......well, my first dilemma is to rent or not for an extended period of time. After you own a home with your own yard & garden & space and ability to paint walls and change light fixtures as you wish, it's hard to think of not being able to do this long-term. Now, I've not been able to do this for 9 months and I don't particularly care for it.

I enjoy decorating my home the way I want and that includes painting walls and changing light fixtures. And even though I hate the expense of it, I want to be able to install new energy-efficient windows if I so choose. I hate these drafty single pane windows here that cost us a small fortune in oil bills this winter.

I was ok with no yard work until recently. I want a garden, even if it is a small garden or containers. I like plants and growing things, and I need that space to do that. I feel good about growing food to provide for my family and I enjoy the canning I do with all that produce I have grown. I feel like that is missing right now. I have no garden to plant or care for or enjoy.

Now if we could find a suitable house to rent that allowed me to paint the walls and plant a garden, I would be pretty happy. I need to be able to enjoy my interests and hobbies.

But then there is this feeling os stability that I get from owning a home. There is no guarantee that person you are renting from wants to be a landlord long-term and might decide to sell the place, leaving you trying to find new housing. I did not enjoy how often I moved throughout college, both undergrad and graduate school. I did enjoy living in one house for 6 years.

I also want space to play outside with Isabel. I know we can always go to a park and since joining our playgroup we have really learned to utilize parks. But I want our own outdoor play space.

I also want safety. I have no plans to move into Mke. It's just too dangerous. It's pretty scary watching the news. Mke is pretty violent and has a lot of shooting deaths. I seriously don't remember the news in the Twin Cities mentioning as many shooting deaths. My friends from the Chicago area say the same thing, that the news here reports much more shooting deaths. I am too much of a country girl to ever be happy living in the city for long-term.

Even though we can't afford to have multiple mortgages/rents, we did decide that the most important thing is that we are all together.

Ok - I am rambling here because I don't know what conclusion I am trying to get to. But that's the point. What do I really need versus what I want?

Well, Andy & Isabel have gotten up and it's time to be with them. But aren't you glad you aren't in my head spinning around with all my thoughts.

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