Thursday, September 30, 2004

Thoughts on the Debate

So - I watched the debate. These are the not exact words - some are - some are editorial comments as to what I think they are thinking. I am not sure that I will do the whole debate, as that will be really long. Here's what I got so far (debate still going on):

Comments on the debate:

First question went something like this: Do you think you could keep America safer in the war?
K’s answer went something like this: YES I DO! Now let me suck up to the people in FL. Blah, blah, blah blah.
B’s rebuttle: Ah, ah, ah. Shit. K beat me to the punch on the FL thing, so I better say something so that the people of FL vote for me and then I will say some other BS.

Do you think that K becoming president will increase our chances of another attack like 9/11?
B: Ahhhhh. No, because I am going to win but I am going to bring up some other issues that are not related to terrorist attacks because I really screwed up with not notifying the public that we had an idea of the attacks coming.
K: I WILL HUNT DOWN AND KILL THE TERROISTS WHEREVER THEY ARE. I am now going to talk about what has happened an how B dropped the ball. Then I am going to drop some names so that I sound impressive, but still continue to point out B’s fault.

What colossal misjudgments has B made in this area?
K: Oh, where do I begin. Let me just whip out my long list Remember that I was at war in Vietnam and that B let a lot of Americans be killed & cost us a lot of money on the war.
B: Well, my guys told me that Saddam was evil. I agree with K that the war was better off w/o Saddam. The world is safer w/o Saddam.

What about the priorities of going after Saddam rather than Osama?
B: I cannot really answer this question, so I am going to say a bunch of other stuff that justifies why we were at war in the first place. Hopefully no one notices that I didn’t answer this questions. Does anyone notice that my face looks orange tonight and my ears look really white. Does it make my ears stick out more?
K: Well, since B didn’t answer the question I am going to say some more attacks at B. Did you know people are buying armor over the internet for their kids to wear for protection?
B: Oh – he got me. I gotta get him now.
K: We have to be steadfast and I am. Can you follow my hands as I talk.

What would you do to increase homeland security?
K: Oh, I have a long list, but first I am going to point out what B is doing wrong. If I go on long enough about what he did wrong I will only have to say that I will protect America and not really give any details except to say some stuff about securing nuclear matter.
B: Dang. I don’t think he can do what he says. But that’s another debate. I am going to say what I have done, maybe stumble over my words. (Man, he’s whopping my ass here.)
K: Tax cut! If I throw this out people will listen.
B: I am doing my job. You better have a president that chases these terrorists down.

When do you decide when you are bringing home the troops?
B: Ummmmmm. I want to bring the troops home, but not until I have achieved (my) objective. Can’t give you an artificial deadline ‘cuz I will get you home when you get (my) mission done.
K: Thank you troops, help is on the way. You deserve better. If I say the right things I will get your vote. Now I am going to tell you how B. Sr. was a better president than B. Jr.
B: I need a follow up ‘cuz I have to show that I am as good as my daddy. Let’s bring up the whole flip-flop thing.
K: I made a mistake, but my mistake was not as big as yours invading Iraq.

Are Americans dying in Iraq for a mistake?
K: No, I am going to do a little flipping & flopping here, but man I am such a better debater. Do you notice that I never say ummmmmm….or ahhhh….
B: That is totally absurd. I have allies, how about Tony Blair or the Polish dude. I am going to bring up the flip-flopping thing again.
K: blah, blah blah
B: Hey! You forgot Poland. I wanna fight. (Dude – you are seriously pissing me off.)

What was the miscalculation and how did it happen?
B: Ummmm…blah, blah…….ummmm….blah, blah…..ahhhhh….blah, blah. I think you can be realistic and optimistic at the same time. It’s hard work.
K: The president described one kind of mistake and he said he would still do it the same way. I wouldn’t. The president is giving mixed messages.

You say the president has lied about the war on Iraq. Give examples.
K: I never used that harsh of word, but I will give you a list of many examples.
B: Man, how much is this debate going to cost me in points. K sure has lists of things I did wrong. I am going to try to point out a discrepancy he said. I don’t think K was misleading about a whole list of stuff. Let me finish. We both looked at the same intelligence.
K: I wasn’t misleading. The president chose the wrong way.
B: The only thing consistent about my opponents position is that he has been inconsistent.

Has the war in Iraq been worth the cost?
B: I am sorry that so many troops died. Every life is precious, but it is worth it.
K: I know what it was like to lose people in combat. Remember I was a war vet. Go to my website johnkerry.com to see my plan. The president’s plan is 4 words “More of the same.”
B: Stop flip flopping. I am not sure that you were really flip flopping, but that is really all I have right now.
K: The pottery barn rule. You break it you fix it (wait – that was buy it, oh well, hopefully no one notices).

Can you give us a timeline?
K: The president keeps trying to mislead you on what I said, so I am going to tell you. But I am never going to tell you my timeline.
B: We’re getting the job done. You can't treat people like puppets. I believe they want to be free. K: I agree that they want to be free.
B: Let me interuppt. It’s essential that we win and under my leadership we will win.

Will you make us go to war again?
B: I never hope I have to, but the enemy attacked us and I need to do what I need to do. Look what we did to Libeya. I hope we never have to.
K: The president said the enemy attacked us – Saddam did not attack us, Osama did, Al Queda did. Talk about who is misleading now.
B: Listen, I know Osama attacked us. I am no dummy. I am running this country. We needed to deal with Saddam.
K: There are more countries that have capabilities for WMD than Saddam.

Some question on Pre-emptive Strike
K: blah, blah, blah, what is our credibility?
B: Ahhh, let me, I am not sure what K was talking about. (Really it’s because I was looking around and wasn’t really listening) So, now I am going to talk slowly to take up the rest of my time.

Some question about diplomacy & North Korea.
B: Sure I’ll answer this, blah, blah (my audience is losing interest)
K: The president did nothing. He totally screwed up things for 2 years in North Korea. He’s giving mixed messages.
B: Oh, I am totally screwed.

Why not send in troops to DAR4?
K: Yes, it is a genocide. They need to have the logistical capacity to stop the killing, plus we don’t have enough troops. I am going to increase our American forces.
B: I agree it is genocide. We donated a bunch of money to that place (which is money we have taken away from schools). I agree with K that we should work with the African Union.

You guys have major policy differences. What kind of character flaws does K have to be president?
B: That’s a loaded question. I admire that he has done a good job, he’s a good dad, he’s got good daughters, I admire he was a senator for so long, I won’t hold it against him that he went to Yale. I don’t like the flip-flopping.
K: I appreciate the personal comments. His daughters make me laugh. We have differences. This issue of certainty. You can be certain & be wrong and be certain and be right. You need to take in new stuff and change your mind. Certainty can get you in trouble (So – take that.)
B: I am not going to change.
K: I am not wilting or waivering (my face may look like it is melting though – I need more botox.)

If you are elected president, what is the single most threat to national security.
K: Nuclear proliferation. I wrote a book about it (please buy it ‘cuz Bush has so much more money than me to spend on campaigning.)
B: blah, blah blah, we are doing a bunch of stuff

Do both of your agree that nuculear proliferation is the single most threat to national security.
B: Yes,
K: Yes, but let me talk about N. Korea again
B: Stop bringing up N. Korea.

Last question. Did you misjudge the president of Russia?
B: No. There needs to be check & balances. He is a strong ally on the war on terror. I am on a first name basis with Vladimer. Errrr…..ummmmm….
K: I was in Russia to see the transformation personally.
B: You know my opinion on N. Korea. I can’t say anymore.
K: It was a threat. But that is not the issue. He said he would go to war as a last resort, but he didn’t and he spent billions of dollars.

Closing Remarks:
K: Thank you, thank you, thank you. We both love this country. We have different convictions. Who can get our troops home? What kind of world are your kids going to grow up in. I was a war vet, so I must be telling the truth. I got a bunch of plans. I believe our best days ahead of us. The future belongs to freedom not to fear. Give me the opportunity. Thank you & God Bless America.

B: The nest 4 years we will strengthen a bunch of stuff, the military will be all volunteer. We will build our alliances and won’t turn us over to other countries. Other countries should be free. We’ve been challenged and climbed the mighty mountain. We can achieve the peace we all want. I ask for your vote and may God continue to bless our great land.

Now let’s shake hands.

10 comments:

Alison said...

Hehe good job paraphrasing Bush. "My guys" was especially good. I thought I'd know who to vote for after this, I don't. I hate both the monkey man and the long-faced ketchup man.

Lame Shrill Owl said...

I actually care more about domestic issues rather than forign policy at this time. Hopefully that is what the next debate will be about.

Trudy said...

I didn't watch the debate, mainly because I am so sick of the ads on TV. I figured I would read a recap on the internet. Now I don't have to go searching for one, because I guess you pretty much summed it up. However, you certainly made the debate much more humorous and got to the point quicker than any politician. Maybe you should run for President! Man, the country would be whipped into shape then!

Mean Dr. Lily said...

Yeah, that would be great. I'd be the world's first First Man. The most whipped man in the ENTIRE WORLD.

Ack.

I'm moving to Cananda. That's right, -Canada-.

Lame Shrill Owl said...

Whhhipppsshhhh!Crack!

Kinky Phanie Gates said...

I watched the debate last night and your commentary of it is freakin' hilarious. That's exactly how it was...I look forward to your take on the next debate...reading this was a great start to my day!

JAKING ON said...

I really liked how Bush tried to take a drink from an empty glass. As if he didn't look dumb enough during the whole debate as it was.
Andy, I can't think of anything worse than being known as the first first-man. That would suck, but your wife would make a crap load of money and not have time for you, so the PS2 would get some good use.

Lame Shrill Owl said...

Shouldn't you be Jaking Son?

Lame Shrill Owl said...

I am feeling a little pressure to blog my version of the next debate. I even got an email from my mother-in-law about reading my blog rather that watching it. I don't think I will blog about the VP debate, which is Oct. 5 and I know I won't be blogging about the 2nd Pres. debate, as that is on Fri, Oct 8 & I will be on a 5.5 hour car ride and will be arriving at my destination during the debate. So, I guess I will have to save my debate blogging until the 3rd & final debate on Oct. 13. I do play volleyball that night, but should be home in time.

Jack said...

Brilliant! Much better than my analysis!